Weight? Wait?

I don't know what it is but I've been feeling down these past couple days. Mom commented on my weight last night and it doesn't make me feel any better. Everyone knows I love food so its going to be hard giving that up. Is it possible to lose weight just by eating constantly?  wish it was or else I would be as skinny as chuck. It annoys me that he can eat anything he wants and doesn't gain a ounce. He says look perfect but I just feel like a huge pumpkin. I want to go to the gym but I have no motivation or money to apply there. It doesn't help that I'm around food basically all day. I heard today on the radio that there is a thing called "love weight". I know I have it. Chuck and I went to wildwood a couple times to walk the trails. It sucked a little bc I just kept looking at the dead trees and gross ground. I want to fit into size 12 jeans again. My cramps make me not wanna eat anything but I eat gum sometimes. When chuck or I smoke, I always get hungry; then I instantly pig out. I want to wait to lose weight bc making time for the gym and planning my meals is kind of stressful at least to me anyway. My whole life, mom and everyone else has commented on my weight and now I have the lowest self esteem ever. Chuck doesn't even cuddle with me after sex and it makes me feel like I'm a cow in a girls body. As soon as he cums, he gets dressed to play his game. I usually lay there for a minute before going to the bathroom to shame myself. No matter what he says, I'm not pretty and I feel it. I'm going to start trying to eat less but as for going to the gym, That will probably be held off for a while. Last time I knew, I weighed 220 and I'm pretty sure that's the heaviest I've ever been. I am going to legit try but there are no promises on that. maybe I was just ment to be this way. I wont know until I try.